The IQ of a Shrimp

Yesterday's shopping trip was another nail in the coffin for my local grocery store. First of all, I need to define 'local grocery store'. It's not "Smith's Happy Grocery"; it's a branch of a large chain of grocery stores, all eerily similar, except for slight aethestic differences. But unfortunately, I don't have a small, locally owned grocery store nearby (that I know of), so, within a 5-mile radius, I'm stuck with a "choice" between 3 chain grocery stores (not including the local Wal-Mart Superstore, which I'll cover in another blog).

Off I head to my local store, list in hand, coupons forgotten as usual, ready to do my weekly shop for succulent and delicious food to prepare for my family. I've checked the ads and noticed that shrimp is on sale this week. We haven't done shrimp for awhile; my son loves shrimp fajitas, so I think I'll check that out and, if it looks good, we'll do fajitas this week. When I get to the seafood counter, the first thing I notice is that there is no seafood out. At all. I look at my watch and it's 10:00 am. Yeah, it's not Saturday, it's Thursday, but still... The store isn't empty; there's plenty of people around. What gives?

There is no one behind the seafood counter, so I walk over to the meat counter.

"Excuse me, sir. Can you or someone else help me in seafood?"

"Not my department."

"Okay, can you tell me when they open? Or do you know who works there?"

"I don't know. I work in meat."

"Do you know who I could talk to?"

(big sigh from man, clearly, I am being a pain) "Let me see if I can find someone." (disappears in back of store)

I wait... and wait... and wait... and wait... Five minutes go by. No one appears. Finally a different guy appears and asks "Can I help you?".

"I would like to buy some seafood, " I say.

"Not my department, " he says and starts to package up some meat.

I decide, okay, I'm wasting time. I'll finish shopping and then come back. That's probably better anyway, since the seafood won't have to walk the store with me. So I get everything else on my list (including the other ingredients for the fajitas) and come back to the seafood. Still nothing in the case, but there is a lady behind the counter. I walk up and smile at her. I can't see what she is doing, but she smiles back and keeps on working. I wait patiently... and wait...

Finally, I say, "Excuse me, is this department open? Can someone help me?"

She smiles and says, "Seafood not out yet."

Duh.

"Can you tell me when it will be out?" I say.

She smiles and says, "Seafood not out yet."

I give up. There are now four guys hustling in the meat department, so I go over to them and ask "Can you tell me when the seafood department opens?".

"Not our department. It should be open."

Now, I really give up. Clearly, I'm not getting seafood today, so I head to the cash register to get out before my frozen food is melted mash.

At the cash register, the cashier smiles and says, "Did you find everything you needed today?"

This is too much. I smile and say "No, there is no one in the seafood department, so I couldn't get any shrimp."

She's totally baffled now. Clearly, this wasn't the answer she wanted. I guess I was supposed to say, "I found everything just fine! I love your store! I can't wait to come back!".

Then she says, "Oh! You could have just gone to the meat department. Anyone there would be happy to help you!"

"I did that. They said it wasn't their department."

Now she's really baffled. She stops running my other items through the scanner. "Really?" she queries, "No one would help? Maybe they went to get someone?".

"No, " I respond and tell her what happened. She's clearly unsure of what to do, so she starts checking me out again, quietly. She's almost done, I'm ready to pay, when one of the managers comes over and says, "I hope you enjoyed your shopping experience today!".

Now, I start laughing. I tell her that the seafood department is closed and no one seems to know how to open it. She seems outraged. What! No one in the seafood department! We'll get it opened right now! Just give us 10 minutes and we'll fix you right up! Meanwhile, my frozen food is turning to mush, I've already spent more time than I wanted at the store and I have a life to lead that doesn't involve waiting around my local grocery. I smile and tell her that I have things to do and I'll try again another time.

Now, if this was the first time this had happened, I'd write it off as 'Stuff Happens", but it's not. It's a regular occurrence, not just at this particular grocery, but at most of the chain groceries I have gone to. And it's not limited to the seafood department either; similar experiences can be had in produce, meat and canned goods. I've asked stock people if they can tell me where to find something and received a blank stare. I've asked for help and it takes 4 or 5 people to be called to figure out that they don't have it or to locate it. These people seem relatively intelligent; how hard can it be to find out that canned tomatoes have moved from aisle 5 to aisle 7? Especially when you work there EVERY DAY? You're a manager and you didn't notice that it's 10-11 am and your seafood department isn't open? The store isn't THAT big; I can usually go down every aisle and do my shopping in less than an hour.

So we're not doing fajitas this week. If the seafood department is open next week, I'll think about it. I've given them a week's notice to get it open. Maybe they can figure it out in that time.